I believe one comes to know love and life most powerfully in experiencing heartbreak.

To be taken into after-love is only to grow more familiar with the deep-seated selflessness and awareness that mature love requires.

To fold fully into the pain of such loss will allow an incredible growth to finally take place. A growth that changes us significantly. For the better, if we let it.

Life is a well of heartbreak. And so after-love permeates life with such depth, if you put enough energy into coming to accept any loss with more caring and forgiveness than the loss before, you will always feel love. More than that you will embody it.

Love is a state of being ever forgiving, to yourself, to your family, to strangers, to your ex-lovers.

Without forgiveness, no human relationship would survive our ever conflicted interior worlds.

No romance goes long without the presence of our pasts consuming it. If you only search out the lessons, take them in, wrestle with them. You’ll only be that much more prepared for love to enter your life fresh.


“Our hope to circumvent heartbreak in adulthood is beautifully and ironically child-like; heartbreak is as inescapable and inevitable as breathing, a part and a parcel of every path, asking for its due in every sincere course an individual takes, it may be that there may be not only no real life without the raw revelation of heartbreak but no single path we can take within a life that will allow us to escape without having that imaginative organ we call the heartbroken by what it holds and then has to let go.


Realizing its inescapable nature, we can see heartbreak not as the end of the road or the cessation of hope but as the close embrace of the essence of what we have wanted or are about to lose. It is the hidden DNA of our relationship with life, outlining outer forms even when we do not feel it by the intimate physical experience generated by its absence; it can also ground us truly in whatever grief we are experiencing, set us to planting a seed with what we have left or appreciate what we have built even as we stand in its ruins.


Heartbreak asks us not to look for an alternative path, because there is no alternative path. It is an introduction to what we love and have loved, an inescapable and often beautiful question, something and someone that has been with us all along, asking us to be ready for the ultimate letting go.”

- David Whyte



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