When you learn things painfully a part of you has to die. That is the pain. When a dream is shattered, a huge part of you that constituted that dream even the biological substrate of that dream has to be stripped away and burned. Life is a constant progress of death and rebirth and to participate in that fully is to allow yourself to be redeemed by it. So the good is that process of death and rebirth, voluntarily undertaken, like you are not as good as you could be, so you let that part of you die. and if someone comes along and says; you know there is some deadwood, and it needs to be burned off, and you think that stuff is still a bit alive.